Late at night

I have so many things to tell you...thank God for you and this blog. How else could I tell you? Sometimes I think tehnology is really somethig and that without here maybe we were broken by now. I know you don't think so but could you live 5 months just with some letters and some brief phone calls? I feel sometimes I dont't know what to tell you when we talk but sometimes, like now, I feel there are so much. Some of them I've already told you and some I never did and some I did but maybe forgot about them.
First thing I thought today was how we use to ride the scooter to some places. Do my clothes or go eat or just ride around for nothing. The buildings seemed nice, the people but...there was something else.The happiness that I could hug you and touch you and your sweet smell. Sometimes putting my head on your back and holding you closer seemed the moment to die for. Not once I thought"If I must die..let it be like this." Death is a scary thing or at least for me, but sometimes in life you wish you die caz u know nothing can be better than this. Satisfaction is hard to accomplish, but when you do there's nothing more to it.
You talk about how sweet I look when I sleep...you haven't seen your face when u sleep, look at me, kiss me or make love to me. I love every moment for your look. That look that gives me wings, I coud fly in the sky with one look of yours and I could dive in the sea in another. making love to you was far from real. I won't say my body didn't felt good...but, babe, your eyes...you should see how u look at me...the love and desire from your eyes never match the human flesh. What we have is divine. Human passion is hard to get but thinking again...passion I had and let me tell you, it didn't compare to this.
Hmm, things you don't know? Maybe that for the first time you had to come to my place details were for me more important at that time. The little plate for soap in the bathroom I bought a day before you came, the juice I had I took out and put back in the fridge a million times thinking maybe it's too warm or to cold and you won't like it, not to mention how the way I walk and I sit when you were there were all so well calculated. God, why try so hard??
Things you don't know?? How I touch the keyboard of your PC and imagine you were there when u were off? And how everyday I check my mail box to see if you wrote me? How I cooked 3 egg cake in order to get the perfect one to bring you? How I search all the city for the perfect most expensive ice cream which by the way...is so far...and pretend how I just drop by and give it to you...How the high heels killed me every single day but seeing you even glance at them was enough to keep me 2 more hours? How I write every time on your bathroom mirror "Be mine forever" or "Don't let me go" or "Marry me " and than wipe them off thinking how stupid can I be... How I make with my finger a little heart on your heart when you sleep and always say a little pray that you love me forever...HA HA...all these stupid things I should have never told you...I do all caz I love you caz I wish you be mine and caz nobody could be like you...

Don't think I am crazy just I really love you and wish you and want you for far too long. I miss you babe. Come back to each other...all i wish.

All this love is for you

This should have been a Valentine's gift...
It came later on because that day I made a mistake...Sorry for that my love and here is the song I wrote for us...and to us...Happy Valentine's Day my love.

For you I’d give a lifetime of stability
And anything you wanted me
Nothing it’s impossible
For you there are no words or ways to show my love
You know it all and thoughts I’m thinking of
Caz this life is no good alone
Since we become one I’d made a change
Everything I do now makes sense
All I do is for you

For you I’d share a cup of love that overflows
And anyone who knows us knows
I will change all thoughts I have
For you there is no low or high or in between of my heart that you haven’t seen
Caz I share all I have and am
Nothing I say is so hard to understand
All I feel I feel deep
And always will
All this love is for you

Every song that I play
Every word I might say
Every melody I feel
Are only for you

If you should leave
Every page that I write
And every day of my life
Would not be filled with the things that my love for you brings

For you I’d make a promise of fidelity
Now and for eternity
No one could replace this love for you
I’d take your hand and heart and everything
And add them all a wedding ring

Caz this life is no good alone
Since we become one you are all I know
If this feeling should leave I’d die
And this is why…All I am is for you

Imperfection

I met this person one day and he changed how I view the world and how I want to be viewed by others. I have never had someone capture my attention so well for so long.

In this world there is a right to every wrong, a male to every female, a black to every white with gray in between. Time is a thing: our past, present and future all exist now, all at once. We make these choices, we call free will, but yet our lives are already predetermined. All roads lead to where you are going to end up anyway. Whatever if they hurt or help you along the way. The choice is yours and the results make who you are today.

All the things I have been thru and all the choices I have made, I have made circles in my life, but I have experienced more than I have ever thought possible. One thing I didn’t do was completely love a person with all the bad and good that he/she has… I am not perfect.

Looking back on all the experiences that have made me, me. I love being me and I would not trade or give the parts I gain from being with him. I change my mind so much that I’m afraid that eventually I will forget it or worse lose it.

Some say that I come off strong or I have something to prove.... I think now I just was trying so hard for the people I met to never forget me.... if that makes sense. I don't want to show that I am better than anyone else, I am not perfect and I don't expect perfection from anyone. I am comfortable in my own skin. I am normal most of the time, except when I am around people I know and trust, and then you can't get me to shut up!! And I believe that before him I have been building a wall that no one could jump. The few who have climbed over it, I loved those people most of all but only HE could jump my wall.

I care too much and love everything and everybody, but few have seen what I have inside. I always try to be there for people in need.... I sometimes end up fighting, especially with myself. Sometimes in life you need to change and sometimes you need to let go.... but how do you do that now when you have come to love so much and know what is to be loved?

The thoughts in my head run deep and I beat myself up over a lot of stupid things, but I don't show it all the time. I guess I am good at hiding my troubles from people who will never understand what I feel.

All I have come to know is that you only have one life and I want to live it to the fullest and love and be loved as much as possible.

The world if full of balance... a male to every female, a black to every white, a right to every wrong, up to a down, peace to war, dark to light and good to bad, happiness to sad.... Now that I’ve found it…most of all I want to keep my balance....my pair.

That day… I met this person, it changed everything... And yes.... I will never be perfect. I stopped trying to be. He knows this but he loves ME this way.

FOR MY BABE

I MISS MY BABE. I WANT TO BE WITH YOU EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE. HAVING PROBLEMS OR HAVING OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE...ALL MAKES NO DIFERENCE. STILL I WANNA BE WITH YOU. EVERY TREE, EVERY PICTURE, EVERY SONG REMINDS ME OF YOU. LOVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE AND NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO IT. MY LIFE WAS BAD AND WAS GOOD, CAN BE WORSE AND CAN BE BETTER...WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN MY HEART IS YOURS. BABE...HOW CAN I TURN BACK TIME AND BE WITH YOU. HOW CAN WE BE TOGETHER TILL THE END?

How long...

It takes a second to notice you
It takes a minute to fall in love with you
It takes a day to give myself to you...
It takes a life time to forget you.

I believe

Sometimes I think I am good, sometimes that I bad, sometimes that I am beautiful, sometimes that I am ugly. It’s normal maybe because human mind is changing every second. I got to know some facts long time ago and other facts recently. I lived under the impression I couldn’t get what I want and that what I have is not enough. Being loved is not hard but not easy either. Being with you was sometimes hard and sometimes easy. Distance can make you forget things, can make you mistake some and can make you believe in something that is not there. How you know if it’s the real thing? Maybe you don’t. All you have is faith. This is all that is left. I believe in you and I believe this is love. I won’t lie, sometimes I thought it’s not and maybe I am wrong…just a crush that will finish…I want to believe this is the real thing. Not more not less, not further, not closer. My love is here and now and this much. Never again and never before. Not like this…