I crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed 2008/7/30

For all of you that do or don't know me...This is not a complain blog, is not a show-off blog or a happy-end one.This is a simple story of a short happy life.Who ever you are...you don't know me. Nobody does, sadly including me.Why am I saying this? Because I lived with the impression that I knew myself, I knew enough to get by and I thought that I can control things that concern me. Surprise! I couldn't.Life is strange, shocking you when you at least expected. Gives you sugar and honey and that a big spoon of bitterness made -they say- to wake you up. I don't want to wake up. Do you?I have a happy life...or at least I thought I do. Big mistake! Just when I thought life couldn't get better than this...something happened. What do you think? Good, bad, maybe? Hm...hard to say...In my defense I dare to say...I HAVE EVERYTHING...freedom, good job, not bad salary, good place to leave, friends(not many but enough), somebody who loves me...sounds a complete chain, huh?It should be...no normal person would want more. So what is it that I miss? What more do I wish for? What else could I want from life?Let's think...I see somebody in the crowd saying NOTHING. Oh, now they're two...five...ten people. But I see YOU, sir, on your lips there's a word trembling down. What? I can't hear you. Speak louder please! Oh...PASSION. Yes, my dear friends. The good sir in the pink shirt is right. You're all wrong...you don't have anything unless you have passion. I see some sour faces and some lifted eyebrows in the audience. You blame me...I pity you! It's better to find passion and lose it than to never know how it feels.Passion goes away you tell me? So what do you live for? Money, fame, respect, pride?...Good.I envy you. Trick is ...how do you sleep at night? Money under the pillow? Do you respect the person who invented MSN so you can Chat with other empty people at 4 o'clock in the morning? Do you take pride in being a cool business man with a 10 times higher salary ?I go to sleep thinking how good the coffee is at Starbucks, how good can taste a first-kiss when outside it's raining, how a ring tone can lighten-up my day... and I wake up thinking I have a reason to put on make-up at 8 o'clock in the morning because somebody waits for me and tells me 'You look good today'.This is why I live for. What do you live for?