She knew this moment will come. He knew it too. They both knew but still there’s something that doesn’t match. What? They knew it will come to this someday…but still…the question remains floating in the air. Why? Why did it come to this? Why can’t she stay?
It’s almost 12. The bus seemed so fast like horses with wings were caring it over the clouds. “I wish the time could stop” – she thought while looking in his eyes. “I think he wants it too. Oh, God, where are You now? Where are Your signs and why You don’t send a wind to blow all these surroundings? Make them all go away, make everything vanish. Why don’t you?” – she thinks so fast that somewhere in her brain something is ready to explode. She can’t stop asking WHY. Outside some trees some cars and some people passed by the cold bus move on with their life. Suddenly the question came to an end. The answer was right in front of her. Free will. That was the answer. Not even God can mess up with free will.
She made some choices in her life maybe more than other people had to make. Some good, some bad…no regrets no looking back. She felt proud of what she had done and she never bows her head in front of anybody or anything. Everything that happened before happened for a reason. Even the bad things. Except this one. No reason, no point, she wants to scream from her top of the lungs that she doesn’t want to go.
She looks at him. “When will I see you again?” she’s thinking. There was a song like this. But they met at the end of the song. Will this happen to them too? He looks sad but maybe he didn’t realize yet. No he doesn’t. Surely he doesn’t. He must never had somebody to leave behind and he must never have been left behind. So sad. She looks at him and knows the pain he will be put through. And still the back of her head the question remains. Why?
She wished she could scream and fight and become a giant and turn over the bus upside down. But then a lot of people will die…and she will die too…so what…she’s dead anyway without him.
The bus has arrived. The cold station looks colder than before. Looks like saying “Don’t go!” No, it’s just a normal station that doesn’t say anything. Even a wedding! A wedding! Now! God what are You trying to tell me? Am I that deaf? Or am I just to stupid to understand. She knows the answer is behind door number 2. Too stupid to realize what she’s doing. She looks excited tries to focus on her bags and complain maybe for the last time about small details. Run! Run!! Run!!! Something inside of her says. Too late. The train is coming. The journey was sweet. Even if the destination was wrong she could have her last moment of peace and sleep happy in the arms of the one she loves. How sweet can a moment be and how not important can everything around us be.
She’s thinking so many things and so many things happen around her. Already in the airport, already 14:00, already she must go. She still complains about being tired and sleepy and that she can’t eat. All her words seem so far and her heart is so loud. So loud and so annoying. “Give me a break!”- she wants to tell the heart that is ready to jump from her chest into the cool good smelling rose tea. “Shut up!” she tells the heart. But the heart doesn’t listen. And then…something happened. The heart calm down and it was all like a morning sunshine, warm and sunny, it was all…yellow.
Now everything is good. Peace and calm all around them. It’s time. She’s trying in hurry to tell him some words and tries to hold on to him as long as she can. Now’s words seem tasteless and nothing can make it right. The Gods have spoken. She’s going. While she leaves she looks one last time at the one who gave her the greatest moments of her life. She wants to yell “Thank you!” but it will sound as stupid as the face she has now.
That’s it. No point of fighting over spilt milk. One last look and one last wave for the two who were left behind.
“I’m sorry I must leave you behind!”
“I’m sorry I can’t come with you.”It hurts inside but she knows the heart must stay. Even feeling bad, let’s face it. As long as he has her heart, there is still a chance. Maybe the heart is the stamp that makes a paper legal, maybe the heart is a road between heaven and hell or happiness and disaster or maybe it they’re love’s alibi.
Who will ever know?
Good bye my love. My heart is with you always. If you need her she’s forever next to you, beside you, for good and for bad, to keep you warm or to protect you from the heat. In death and only death bring us apart.
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